Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
