If i come over, it means nothing
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
