I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
