I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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