I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
