dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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