I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
