Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
