last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
