Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
