Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
