I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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