the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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