if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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