everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
