I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
