apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
