Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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