If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
