Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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