seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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