And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Non-Jews are for practice
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
