she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
