i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
