somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
