I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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