So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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