So drunk its hurt
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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