You're so nebulous sometimes
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
