oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
