it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
