i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
