so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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