He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
