Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
