I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
