Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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