He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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