After last night, I could never be a politician.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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