Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
