According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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