Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is Oprah even human
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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