so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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