i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
