with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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