Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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