hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
