im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Non-Jews are for practice
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
