We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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