Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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