What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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