You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
