I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
